Just Some Thoughts

I've been thinking a while, it seems that that's all I ever do these days, but I've been thinking...

I recently watched a movie called Julie & Julia, a movie in which a woman starts a blog, her goal to follow an entire cookbook of more than 500 recipes in a year - 365 days.

Vacation is sadly, almost over, and my Mission Trip to the Philippines is long gone, so the past few weeks, I've been shlumped at home with nothing to do. (On another note, I'm using spellcheck, and it actually is a word.) This deficit in activities has led me to boring my mind deep with unconscious thoughts while succumbing to the evil holds of the Internet, and even sadder, the world of Neopets. It is now that I am realizing that without anything to do, I feel as if I don't have anything to do...ever. I feel like I am degrading into a wisp of a life, all because of boredom. So, I say, why not give me something to do? I haven't written anything in a while, I haven't read anything in a while, though I did read a lot during the missions trip. I read 6 books in the duration of four weeks, though if you don't count the days when I didn't read, it'd probably only be like, 2 or 3 weeks.

So I had this thought, why don't I blog. I doubt anyone is going to read it, let alone be interested. I just need something to write about.

Writing...it is an art, so therefore, a writer is an artist. And an artist can transform anything into a masterpiece. Therefore, my topic is...boredom? That is, for now. I'm hoping that when I decide to finish this blog, I'll learn more about myself, otherwise feel utterly stupid about the things I write. That's how it is sometimes...you age a bit, and then look back, and laugh at yourself for your foolishness. But I've come to learn that this foolishness is part of the journey in growing up. Although I do not wish to age, I'm interested in learning new things about myself, my life, my spritual beliefs, and the society that surrounds me. For now, I am past making this blog a diary, for I've seen the foolishness in that.

Speak, have you read it? By Laurie Halse Anderson. I read half of it, but I believe I know the story. Melinda Sordino, the main character -I can relate to her, and at the same time, I oppose her. It's weird. It's like she was me from a foggy dream some centuries ago. And, I highly recommend the book.

I feel like I'm in some sort of spiritual puberty. I feel my mind changing, my emotions changing, my reactions changing. And I feel it affecting others, myself...affecting others to join. For me it's like a drug, where I can indulge and let myself go, because no one there will scorn at you, no one there will talk about you, no one there cares about how you act - it's your input that counts. It's the relationship with God that counts. God is my painkiller. He was my painkiller. But now, he's my friend, he's my confidence, he's my life, he's my father...God is a father to the fatherless - that's me, and probably a million other people out there, if only they knew.

It seems to me that I have fully separated myself for God, that I am not content without God in my life, that who I was in seventh grade, in third grade, in first grade. All the times I ever thought about suicide and stuff, anti-socialism. That's not me - that's not who I am right now, and I am proud of that.

I am in desperate need of something to write about. And I desperately need to get off the computer, to get off the Internet, but somehow, I just can't.

I am tired of feeling angsty. I am disgusted with myself. But the old me is gone now, gone with my troubles, as the wind wipes the clouds away, and the land is flooded with sunlight.






♫♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.