I just came back from church's Encounter Retreat up in the mountains at Fraizer Woods. I can't describe enough how much I love spending time with my church friends. It's just such an amazing feeling, I feel joyous when I'm with them, and all the time I feel like I'm in the presence of the Lord. I feel like I'm accepted, because when you're with them, they don't care about your imperfections, because we're all God's children, you know, we're all sinners. But, also, we are family through God, so there is no judging.
During the Encounter, I had a struggle with many distractions...I'm finding myself with writer's block right now. Come back to this some other time.
8.23.2009
8.19.2009
Guerra means War
I feel like I am in war now. Spiritual warfare, that is.
My uncle's being as stubborn as a Catholic can get about religion. (And trust me, I know how stubborn they can get.) And please don't hate me, my nonexistent readers, in case I have insulted you.
My uncle insists that he is a Christian, and at the same time, persecutes us for not acting like Christians. He insults the name "Born-Again" and follows that oh-so-lame joke "Born-Against". So tell me this, what are we born-against? I love my uncle, that's why we try to bring him to church, that's why we try to make him sit through service, that's why we try to include him in our devotionals. It's just too bad we can't get through him. He can shake his head at us, he can scorn at us, he can yell at us for not giving his way, but by all means, he cannot make us stop. Seriously, even if he kills us, another Christian will find him again someday.
This, I'm glad to say, is my next mission. But it pains me to yell, to scream, and to become so infuriated with him because he is stubborn.
It is not my battle to win, but God's. So I know I shouldn't be mad or upset...
We, my mom and I, dropped my uncle off at the house, and we proceeded to watching a movie, 500 days of summer. It's kind of funny...and a little inappropriate, but you know, it helped get the mind off things. It's not exactly family friendly...and I don't exactly think it's a couple movie...really...or it might be. I cried through it. It's shallow, I know, but I cried.
Perhaps it's how Argee feels right now...because he thinks I'm "THE ONE." So it might take some days...months...maybe years to get over me, but I do hope that he does get over me...and maybe moves on. It's been 5 weeks now...since ties have been cut, but maybe it'll take a little more time.
Please keep in mind, this isn't for the reader's benefit, as I have stated in my last post, but for my own.
My uncle's being as stubborn as a Catholic can get about religion. (And trust me, I know how stubborn they can get.) And please don't hate me, my nonexistent readers, in case I have insulted you.
My uncle insists that he is a Christian, and at the same time, persecutes us for not acting like Christians. He insults the name "Born-Again" and follows that oh-so-lame joke "Born-Against". So tell me this, what are we born-against? I love my uncle, that's why we try to bring him to church, that's why we try to make him sit through service, that's why we try to include him in our devotionals. It's just too bad we can't get through him. He can shake his head at us, he can scorn at us, he can yell at us for not giving his way, but by all means, he cannot make us stop. Seriously, even if he kills us, another Christian will find him again someday.
This, I'm glad to say, is my next mission. But it pains me to yell, to scream, and to become so infuriated with him because he is stubborn.
It is not my battle to win, but God's. So I know I shouldn't be mad or upset...
We, my mom and I, dropped my uncle off at the house, and we proceeded to watching a movie, 500 days of summer. It's kind of funny...and a little inappropriate, but you know, it helped get the mind off things. It's not exactly family friendly...and I don't exactly think it's a couple movie...really...or it might be. I cried through it. It's shallow, I know, but I cried.
Perhaps it's how Argee feels right now...because he thinks I'm "THE ONE." So it might take some days...months...maybe years to get over me, but I do hope that he does get over me...and maybe moves on. It's been 5 weeks now...since ties have been cut, but maybe it'll take a little more time.
Please keep in mind, this isn't for the reader's benefit, as I have stated in my last post, but for my own.
8.18.2009
Just Some Thoughts
I've been thinking a while, it seems that that's all I ever do these days, but I've been thinking...
I recently watched a movie called Julie & Julia, a movie in which a woman starts a blog, her goal to follow an entire cookbook of more than 500 recipes in a year - 365 days.
Vacation is sadly, almost over, and my Mission Trip to the Philippines is long gone, so the past few weeks, I've been shlumped at home with nothing to do. (On another note, I'm using spellcheck, and it actually is a word.) This deficit in activities has led me to boring my mind deep with unconscious thoughts while succumbing to the evil holds of the Internet, and even sadder, the world of Neopets. It is now that I am realizing that without anything to do, I feel as if I don't have anything to do...ever. I feel like I am degrading into a wisp of a life, all because of boredom. So, I say, why not give me something to do? I haven't written anything in a while, I haven't read anything in a while, though I did read a lot during the missions trip. I read 6 books in the duration of four weeks, though if you don't count the days when I didn't read, it'd probably only be like, 2 or 3 weeks.
So I had this thought, why don't I blog. I doubt anyone is going to read it, let alone be interested. I just need something to write about.
Writing...it is an art, so therefore, a writer is an artist. And an artist can transform anything into a masterpiece. Therefore, my topic is...boredom? That is, for now. I'm hoping that when I decide to finish this blog, I'll learn more about myself, otherwise feel utterly stupid about the things I write. That's how it is sometimes...you age a bit, and then look back, and laugh at yourself for your foolishness. But I've come to learn that this foolishness is part of the journey in growing up. Although I do not wish to age, I'm interested in learning new things about myself, my life, my spritual beliefs, and the society that surrounds me. For now, I am past making this blog a diary, for I've seen the foolishness in that.
Speak, have you read it? By Laurie Halse Anderson. I read half of it, but I believe I know the story. Melinda Sordino, the main character -I can relate to her, and at the same time, I oppose her. It's weird. It's like she was me from a foggy dream some centuries ago. And, I highly recommend the book.
I feel like I'm in some sort of spiritual puberty. I feel my mind changing, my emotions changing, my reactions changing. And I feel it affecting others, myself...affecting others to join. For me it's like a drug, where I can indulge and let myself go, because no one there will scorn at you, no one there will talk about you, no one there cares about how you act - it's your input that counts. It's the relationship with God that counts. God is my painkiller. He was my painkiller. But now, he's my friend, he's my confidence, he's my life, he's my father...God is a father to the fatherless - that's me, and probably a million other people out there, if only they knew.
It seems to me that I have fully separated myself for God, that I am not content without God in my life, that who I was in seventh grade, in third grade, in first grade. All the times I ever thought about suicide and stuff, anti-socialism. That's not me - that's not who I am right now, and I am proud of that.
I am in desperate need of something to write about. And I desperately need to get off the computer, to get off the Internet, but somehow, I just can't.
I am tired of feeling angsty. I am disgusted with myself. But the old me is gone now, gone with my troubles, as the wind wipes the clouds away, and the land is flooded with sunlight.
♫♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I recently watched a movie called Julie & Julia, a movie in which a woman starts a blog, her goal to follow an entire cookbook of more than 500 recipes in a year - 365 days.
Vacation is sadly, almost over, and my Mission Trip to the Philippines is long gone, so the past few weeks, I've been shlumped at home with nothing to do. (On another note, I'm using spellcheck, and it actually is a word.) This deficit in activities has led me to boring my mind deep with unconscious thoughts while succumbing to the evil holds of the Internet, and even sadder, the world of Neopets. It is now that I am realizing that without anything to do, I feel as if I don't have anything to do...ever. I feel like I am degrading into a wisp of a life, all because of boredom. So, I say, why not give me something to do? I haven't written anything in a while, I haven't read anything in a while, though I did read a lot during the missions trip. I read 6 books in the duration of four weeks, though if you don't count the days when I didn't read, it'd probably only be like, 2 or 3 weeks.
So I had this thought, why don't I blog. I doubt anyone is going to read it, let alone be interested. I just need something to write about.
Writing...it is an art, so therefore, a writer is an artist. And an artist can transform anything into a masterpiece. Therefore, my topic is...boredom? That is, for now. I'm hoping that when I decide to finish this blog, I'll learn more about myself, otherwise feel utterly stupid about the things I write. That's how it is sometimes...you age a bit, and then look back, and laugh at yourself for your foolishness. But I've come to learn that this foolishness is part of the journey in growing up. Although I do not wish to age, I'm interested in learning new things about myself, my life, my spritual beliefs, and the society that surrounds me. For now, I am past making this blog a diary, for I've seen the foolishness in that.
Speak, have you read it? By Laurie Halse Anderson. I read half of it, but I believe I know the story. Melinda Sordino, the main character -I can relate to her, and at the same time, I oppose her. It's weird. It's like she was me from a foggy dream some centuries ago. And, I highly recommend the book.
I feel like I'm in some sort of spiritual puberty. I feel my mind changing, my emotions changing, my reactions changing. And I feel it affecting others, myself...affecting others to join. For me it's like a drug, where I can indulge and let myself go, because no one there will scorn at you, no one there will talk about you, no one there cares about how you act - it's your input that counts. It's the relationship with God that counts. God is my painkiller. He was my painkiller. But now, he's my friend, he's my confidence, he's my life, he's my father...God is a father to the fatherless - that's me, and probably a million other people out there, if only they knew.
It seems to me that I have fully separated myself for God, that I am not content without God in my life, that who I was in seventh grade, in third grade, in first grade. All the times I ever thought about suicide and stuff, anti-socialism. That's not me - that's not who I am right now, and I am proud of that.
I am in desperate need of something to write about. And I desperately need to get off the computer, to get off the Internet, but somehow, I just can't.
I am tired of feeling angsty. I am disgusted with myself. But the old me is gone now, gone with my troubles, as the wind wipes the clouds away, and the land is flooded with sunlight.
♫♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
