Typhoon

A series of typhoons hit the Philippines lately. The worst one, Typhoon Ondoy hit the area where my uncle lives. Honestly, I didn't know Ondoy would be that bad. It was worse than Hurricane Katrina, and we know what that did to New Orleans. I remember upon hearing the news that I laughed and I jumped in victory. But that was a terrible thing to do. You see, I said that it's not my battle to win, but God's battle, against the demons surrounding my uncle. But I didn't think that this would happen. I saw the YouTube videos, and some of them can get really distressing. It's just so sad. It's a horrible thing to happen to the Philippines. And just a couple of months ago, the Missions Team and I, we walked down the same streets. In one of the YouTube videos, I recognized a school sign. And I thought...we were parked at that exact same corner only a few months ago.

You can check out the videos if you want, just look up "Typhoon Ondoy" and don't fret when the tears start to fall. When they showed one of the videos in church, I was bawling. Everyone thought that I was really touched by the video...but wrong reason. I cried because I mistreated my uncle, that his house was flooded and his cars sunk underneath probably floods up to four to five feet high.

Some Thoughts

This month's been a rush. The Youth Band is now complete and *officially* plays for Youth Nite every Friday. Two other dudes lead most of the time (cause they choose really low/high tenor-ish songs...) and whenever they choose an alto song, I have to lead...but it sucks, cause I don't always know the song...or like, my voice is relatively low for a girl...I'm working on that.

Anyway. I've been thinking while knitting, and yes, it's the middle of the night. But a couple of days ago, we were talking about advocates in school, and how an advocate is someone who defends someone or something else. My mom had jury duty...and I sort of strung the two ideas together. It's strange isn't it, that even when you're a vile evil dude, someone will still love you and stay with you. It really is strange, and it makes you think how really everyone out there is loved in some way or another. And...another thing I keep thinking about, is my one crazy thing, where when you take a picture, and the light bounces back into the camera, you don't know what's gonna happen next. I was looking at some of my elementary school class pictures a few years ago, and I just thought of the topic, and I decided I'd write about it for English class. This was seventh grade, two years ago, and up to know, the thought hasn't left my head. When I looked at the pictures, I was really...well, cute, but I was really innocent. I didn't know that someday my mind would become as polluted with corruption as it is now, nor did I know that I would become an aspiring poet, an aspiring novelist...and neither did I know that suddenly things could go horribly wrong. I was emo for about half of seventh grade. And I consider myself to be a normally happy person, so that's just a drastic change for me.

My point is that at some point, we all were innocent. We weren't born into this world knowing about the dangers of sex, drugs, and all that other crap people get themselves into. And maybe it's for a reason, you know? Maybe God thought that it would be better that way, because when you're that young, you deserve a little freedom. Before a kid turns about 9 or 10 years of age, they get a little taste of the life Adam and Eve had before the serpent tricked them. Sure there are the few that are unfortunate and have unloving parents and such, but at least, when you're that age, you don't get tempted. And at that age, you don't knowthat you can seriously hurt yourself by doing things that "feel good". At that age, you only knew that if you wanted something, then you'd have to ask for it. Maybe that's the point God's trying to teach, when he says we need to have the faith of a young child.

Anyway, that's just a creative thought...


I saw Fame, the new movie a few weeks ago. It's about aspiring performing artists who have to audition to get into this one school in New York. And it's amazing, these kids' passion. They do anything to achieve their dreams and goals. Some drop out of school, some would go behind their boyfriend's back. Some even go behind their parents' backs. Some take careers early, and end up getting expelled because they can't maintain a GPA. And some are rejected...and they feel horrible to the point that they feel the need to commit suicide. Luckily his friends stop him. Anyway. After seeing this movie, I had that draining feeling. I felt worthless, because I was never passionate about anything, and I felt like I couldn't do anything, like I had no purpose.
Two days after, one of the Youth Leaders called me and told me that they wanted me to exhort the coming Friday. And this was the day before, so I slept on it. Sometime right before I fell asleep, I thought of this experience. And the verse I used was Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." It's funny, because, when I fell asleep, I only knew about the part which said that God formed us in the womb, and already he had a plan set out for us. But when I read the part that said that he will make us a prophet to the nations, I was just like "Dang." God is speaking to me. We don't have to feel worthless, we don't have to feel like we have no purpose, because God already gave us a purpose, which is to serve him and be a priest, a saint, a prophet for him. And that doesn't mean that we have to be as rigid as a board when serving him. I think it means that we're simply called to be like little angels teaching people about God and showing them the way.
There's this song called "We Are the Body" by Casting Crowns, I believe. And it's got this one line that goes "If we are the body, why isn't his love not showing them there is a way." We're the body of Christ. We're called to spread God's love. In fact, we can't do it alone. "14 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. " From 1Corinthians12:14-16. If we don't do our part as the church of God, as his body, then the whole church would lose one purpose. And if the whole church would lose one purpose if you don't do the job you're meant to do, then it goes to show that you do have a purpose.

And, it turns out, God really was speaking to me. Our lesson for that night was Gideon. How he was too scared to participate in the war, so he hid from God. Gideon was from the weakest tribe, and his family line was the weakest in that weak tribe. So, naturally, he thought he couldn't do it. But God chose him. Once God chooses you, you can't back down. (Look at Jonah, or Moses. They tried.) On the bright side, once God chooses you, you can't fail either.

God loves us, and so he chooses us. He made us the way we are because he loves us. But when he made us, he made an entire plan for us. Therefore we have a purpose.

And because God loves us, we have a purpose.

School

I remember stepping into that first day of high school. My first year at Marshall.

I was...really disappointed. I feel like I've changed so much over the summer and I was so sad to see that everyone at school is so superficial. Honestly. Its so bad.
I don't know where I am going with this.

Encounter. Heroes.

I just came back from church's Encounter Retreat up in the mountains at Fraizer Woods. I can't describe enough how much I love spending time with my church friends. It's just such an amazing feeling, I feel joyous when I'm with them, and all the time I feel like I'm in the presence of the Lord. I feel like I'm accepted, because when you're with them, they don't care about your imperfections, because we're all God's children, you know, we're all sinners. But, also, we are family through God, so there is no judging.

During the Encounter, I had a struggle with many distractions...I'm finding myself with writer's block right now. Come back to this some other time.

Guerra means War

I feel like I am in war now. Spiritual warfare, that is.
My uncle's being as stubborn as a Catholic can get about religion. (And trust me, I know how stubborn they can get.) And please don't hate me, my nonexistent readers, in case I have insulted you.

My uncle insists that he is a Christian, and at the same time, persecutes us for not acting like Christians. He insults the name "Born-Again" and follows that oh-so-lame joke "Born-Against". So tell me this, what are we born-against? I love my uncle, that's why we try to bring him to church, that's why we try to make him sit through service, that's why we try to include him in our devotionals. It's just too bad we can't get through him. He can shake his head at us, he can scorn at us, he can yell at us for not giving his way, but by all means, he cannot make us stop. Seriously, even if he kills us, another Christian will find him again someday.

This, I'm glad to say, is my next mission. But it pains me to yell, to scream, and to become so infuriated with him because he is stubborn.

It is not my battle to win, but God's. So I know I shouldn't be mad or upset...
We, my mom and I, dropped my uncle off at the house, and we proceeded to watching a movie, 500 days of summer. It's kind of funny...and a little inappropriate, but you know, it helped get the mind off things. It's not exactly family friendly...and I don't exactly think it's a couple movie...really...or it might be. I cried through it. It's shallow, I know, but I cried.

Perhaps it's how Argee feels right now...because he thinks I'm "THE ONE." So it might take some days...months...maybe years to get over me, but I do hope that he does get over me...and maybe moves on. It's been 5 weeks now...since ties have been cut, but maybe it'll take a little more time.

Please keep in mind, this isn't for the reader's benefit, as I have stated in my last post, but for my own.

Just Some Thoughts

I've been thinking a while, it seems that that's all I ever do these days, but I've been thinking...

I recently watched a movie called Julie & Julia, a movie in which a woman starts a blog, her goal to follow an entire cookbook of more than 500 recipes in a year - 365 days.

Vacation is sadly, almost over, and my Mission Trip to the Philippines is long gone, so the past few weeks, I've been shlumped at home with nothing to do. (On another note, I'm using spellcheck, and it actually is a word.) This deficit in activities has led me to boring my mind deep with unconscious thoughts while succumbing to the evil holds of the Internet, and even sadder, the world of Neopets. It is now that I am realizing that without anything to do, I feel as if I don't have anything to do...ever. I feel like I am degrading into a wisp of a life, all because of boredom. So, I say, why not give me something to do? I haven't written anything in a while, I haven't read anything in a while, though I did read a lot during the missions trip. I read 6 books in the duration of four weeks, though if you don't count the days when I didn't read, it'd probably only be like, 2 or 3 weeks.

So I had this thought, why don't I blog. I doubt anyone is going to read it, let alone be interested. I just need something to write about.

Writing...it is an art, so therefore, a writer is an artist. And an artist can transform anything into a masterpiece. Therefore, my topic is...boredom? That is, for now. I'm hoping that when I decide to finish this blog, I'll learn more about myself, otherwise feel utterly stupid about the things I write. That's how it is sometimes...you age a bit, and then look back, and laugh at yourself for your foolishness. But I've come to learn that this foolishness is part of the journey in growing up. Although I do not wish to age, I'm interested in learning new things about myself, my life, my spritual beliefs, and the society that surrounds me. For now, I am past making this blog a diary, for I've seen the foolishness in that.

Speak, have you read it? By Laurie Halse Anderson. I read half of it, but I believe I know the story. Melinda Sordino, the main character -I can relate to her, and at the same time, I oppose her. It's weird. It's like she was me from a foggy dream some centuries ago. And, I highly recommend the book.

I feel like I'm in some sort of spiritual puberty. I feel my mind changing, my emotions changing, my reactions changing. And I feel it affecting others, myself...affecting others to join. For me it's like a drug, where I can indulge and let myself go, because no one there will scorn at you, no one there will talk about you, no one there cares about how you act - it's your input that counts. It's the relationship with God that counts. God is my painkiller. He was my painkiller. But now, he's my friend, he's my confidence, he's my life, he's my father...God is a father to the fatherless - that's me, and probably a million other people out there, if only they knew.

It seems to me that I have fully separated myself for God, that I am not content without God in my life, that who I was in seventh grade, in third grade, in first grade. All the times I ever thought about suicide and stuff, anti-socialism. That's not me - that's not who I am right now, and I am proud of that.

I am in desperate need of something to write about. And I desperately need to get off the computer, to get off the Internet, but somehow, I just can't.

I am tired of feeling angsty. I am disgusted with myself. But the old me is gone now, gone with my troubles, as the wind wipes the clouds away, and the land is flooded with sunlight.






♫♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

March/April Catch Up.

I really should post more....


Anyways, the Rube Goldberg was effing pissing me off. Not only are people's parents uncooperative [>.>], they don't seem to understand the project. They think it's easy, they think we'll catch up if we fail. sure, we can catch up in geometry and history, and English, but for college and shit, you need a ton of science credits. This project is worth 500points in science. ...The capital "s" on this keyboard isn't working for some reason...
Anyway, so we were working on it like innocent little people, and we were nice and tried not to leave a bunch of trash lying on the floor of Melon's living room - no pins, nothing. And so we go to print something completely important for our grade, and Melon's mom starts lecturing about how disorganized we are, when in fact, her "organization" caused us to lose some of our items.
The next day - the final day for the RBG. Mom and I took Melon and "Joy" to Little Tokyo to celebrate, but first we made sure that their parents knew we were going. They both could go.
We told them we'd be gone for an hour or two, and might get back late, but like, 45 minutes after, so according to my mom, Mother Melon calls all angrily. Then calls again 15 minutes after, and again, and again, and again. By this time she's hella mad and is like "TELL ...MeLoN... THAT WE'RE NOT PICKING HER UP!!!! @#$%" The project was at my place. The deal was that the project would stay in Melon's car over night, so now, not only would they not be picking Melon up, but they wouldn't pick up the project either.
I had a [b.a.d] stomach@che because I accidentally dripped wood glue in spinach dip. Mother Jackfruit did too...

Monday - RGB day. It was due.
We changed the plan, it was that Melon pick me up and the project in the morning. I woke up at 5:30 just so we could get to school on time, and so we didn't have to rush, because it could cost us our project. Melon was waking Father Melon up. He awoke, then fell asleep. 6:30. They still weren't there. I was getting irritated. Melon's dad woke up, he was showering. Except he took a looonnnggg time. 7:15. Melon calls me with Pomi's cell. Melon was crying. "M-m-my dad c-c-can't -sniff- come...h-he said h-he'd be late for work -sniff-."
"WHAT?! No. That's...that's just...WTF?! What the hell, man?"

Nalyn, putrages na demonio yang ama mo. Putang ina. Pinapa-hamak tayo, pinaparosahan tayo, at anong ginawa natin? Ba't ginagawa nya yan sa mga apat na inosenteng bata, studyante lang tayo. Anong's ginawa natin sakanya, kaya nya kayang gumawa na'to?

Now my mom was mad, "Napaka walang hiya." (No shame.) My mom told me she'd try to bring the project in with the pastor's van.
I had to take whatever I could in the car. We took it up to "Drowan's" class. We were almost late. BeachBall, Jooji, Pomi, and Melon did all they could to help, and Thank God. We cried while bringing it in. We cried through homeroom. We cried when we saw my mom exiting Drowan's class - she brought it in, not with the pastor, but with my neighbor. It didn't all fit, so a part fell off, and that kinda messed it up, but thankfully, it was okay, we fixed it.
We were cheering, and all rejoicing, but one problem still remained: not all of it worked - we hadn't assembled the thing yet.


Finish this later. Tuesday, 3rd period. Out of time.

Lunch: Kenzo helped. God Bless Him. We got an A-, so There, parents! >:P

I Don't Post as Frequent as You Guys

I don't post as frequent as you guys expect me to.

So...I'll continue this some other day. Or maybe tomorrow, when I prolly won't have that much stuff to do...